Love Lost Remembered
by DoubleL27
Summary: Sexis Short. Alexis returns to the grave of her long estranged dead husband to say good-bye and remembers.


The snow muted the sound of her footsteps as she walked through the serene cemetery, the snow swirling around her. She glanced around, her eyes skimming the names on the headstones until she found the one she was looking for. She saw it almost immediately and it made her breath catch and tears fill her eyes.  
  
Alexis paused a moment more before walking over to the cold headstone. Seeing it for the first time made it real in some sense that it never had been before, much more final. She walked softly and slowly towards it, her head held high, reminiscent of the woman she had been so many years before. She knelt down in front of the stone, moving her hand over the name that would remain etched there forever.  
  
Michael "Sonny" Corinthos-Beloved Father, Husband and Son 1962-2012.  
  
The words were true and she knew it. She could practically see him again, being the man she fell in love with years before. It was tragic and oddly him that he should have died practically alone, with only Mike, the one person who never gave up on Sonny, still there. Mike had been the one to give her the news over the phone. That had been six months ago. She had finally found the courage to face him again. She hadn't gone to his funeral because of the fact that she couldn't even face him in death, but now she found the strength that she thought she had lost.  
  
When the relationship began to turn to reciprocated love, she never imagined that she would leave him. Sonny had something no man before and not a single one since ever had. She wasn't sure exactly what it was. She had decided that it was somewhere between the way he could charm her with his personality and dimples and the way he understood her completely. Their childhoods' were frighteningly similar, physical or emotional, abuse is still abuse. There was just some unspoken form of communication and understanding, for some things words were unnecessary.  
  
Their relationship had substance from the beginning, it could have never been a fling, they were too close already. Both wanted the relationship, but agreed to "go with the flow." They had both been hurt too much over the years to invest too much in the very beginning, but the power of the relationship was huge.  
  
Flashback  
  
Sonny and Alexis are in her penthouse and are sitting on the couch. Alexis has her eyes downcast into her lap, and Sonny's eyes are trained on her with a concerned look in them. He places a hand underneath her chin and raises her face to look at him.  
  
Sonny: I have feelings for you Lexi, I can't deny it, but I can't get involved.  
  
Alexis: How can you say that? You have feelings for me, but you don't want to be with me. That makes no sense whatsoever. Wait. What did you call me?  
  
Her look of incredulity was too much for him. He smiled, flashing her his dimples, and then instantly sobered.  
  
Sonny: I called you Lexi. It's what I call you in my dreams, so I decided to see how it sounded.  
  
Alexis: That's very sweet, but I can't believe you said the rest of it. I'm really starting to believe that you're just trying to make me feel better because Kristina told you I'm in love with you. I never told her that, by the way.  
  
Sonny: But you are. And I'm in love with you. The reason I can't get involved is the same reason that you never said anything.  
  
Alexis: You know you're still in love with your ex-wife.  
  
Sonny: No. We've both been hurt before, we don't want to be rejected.  
  
Alexis: OK. So maybe that was part of it, but still. Sonny, I can't just hide this anymore. Not after what you just admitted.  
  
Sonny: I know. I've been trying to ignore it but I can't. We'll just go with the flow.  
  
Alexis: "Go with the flow" Where are you getting all of this? Fine, we'll play the wait and see game.  
  
Sonny grabbed her hand and squeezed it, letting her know that she mattered, that she was important.  
  
Sonny: I know it's hard Alexis, but I'm not ready yet. You mean so much to me.I just.  
  
Alexis: I understand. I've had more time to get used to the idea of falling in love again. I'll always be here Sonny, whenever you need me.  
  
End Flashback  
  
Her last words hadn't held true. She hadn't always been there, but she had tried. Sonny had come to depend on her as the relationship deepened. She was often the only one who stood by him, although she would blast him when he deserved it. Sonny had never lost his ability to make mistakes and piss people off, but she'd understood, usually, and had let certain things go.  
  
Alexis and Sonny were almost inseparable at one point. Alexis had convinced Kristina to move out of the penthouse and into the gatehouse with Ned. As much as she hadn't enjoyed knowing that her little sister and ex- fiancé shared a house and a bed, it was better than if Kristina had stayed and had been there to constantly comment on their relationship, comings and goings and love life. It had been so much easier to have a relationship without their little sisters butting in.  
  
Flashback  
  
Sonny and Alexis are in the living room of her penthouse. Sonny is in the process of unbuttoning her blouse as she is quickly undoing his tie and dress shirt. Sonny wins the race and instantly his hands are running all over her body while she still attempts to get his shirt off.  
  
Alexis: Could you just hold on for one second? I'd really like to get this shirt off you.  
  
Sonny smiled instantly as she said the words. She was disgruntled and frustrated, but that was usually a good thing as far as making love was concerned.  
  
Sonny: Would you now?  
  
Alexis: Yes!  
  
His smile got even wider as he looked at her. He could see the passion in her eyes and knew what fire lay within her. He stopped moving and allowed her to remove his shirt and undershirt. He jumped as her hands moved against his skin. Her touch was still gentle, but more aggressive than it had been before. She had the ability to drive him wild and make him lose complete control. He decided to get his mind off of his thoughts and to return to driving her crazy.  
  
Alexis loved the feel of Sonny. What ever part of her was touching whatever part of him felt amazing. She had yet to get over the beauty of their loving. Running her hands through his hair, she kissed the top of his head in a very gentle manner.  
  
Sonny could hardly believe that Alexis was the same woman now as the shy and demure lawyer who hadn't liked him when they'd first met. She was now a sex goddess in his eyes. And she loved him. That was the most important part. To receive the love of a woman like Alexis, was amazing. He'd never believed he would ever gain such a gift and now he couldn't imagine a life without her.  
  
Alexis didn't understand why he intoxicated her so. She was more like "Eddie's Angel" now than she had been with Ned. Sonny undid her control somewhere along the line, making her feel amazing and invincible.  
  
Sonny: Alright. Time to go upstairs.  
  
Alexis: Why?  
  
Sonny: I have no intention of taking you on the floor. It's no way to treat a woman.  
  
Alexis: What ever you think is best.  
  
Sonny instantly stepped out of his pants and swept Alexis up into his arms. He mounted the stairs slowly enjoying the feeling of her in his arms.  
  
End Flashback  
  
Alexis smiled at that memory. Their love making had never been anything short of amazing. Their love and passion had been the driving force for so long. They had always had the connection though. There was always more than sex that could undo most porn stars.  
  
Sonny had decided shortly after that enough was enough. He had been ready to move forward, and had only hoped that she was too. He had proposed only a year and a half after telling her that he couldn't get involved. It had resulted in a small panic attack and quite a bit of confusion.  
  
Flashback  
  
Alexis was reviewing papers for Sonny's newest deal concerning the docks. She was pacing while reading, her glasses perched on the edge of her nose so she could read. Sonny was sitting on the couch watching her intently.  
  
Sonny: Lexi.  
  
Alexis: This is pretty good. I think we can actually pull this off and go in the direction you want to. The union shouldn't give you too much trouble over all of this. I think it will work fine.  
  
Sonny: Lexi.  
  
Alexis: Well there are a few ways in which it could go wrong but I don't think it will. This is a wonderful contract. We won't get hell for this one.  
  
Sonny: Alexis!  
  
Alexis finally looked up from the contract and at Sonny. She walked over to the desk and put the contract down before turning back to him. She removed her glasses from her face and bit on the one end.  
  
Alexis: What?  
  
Sonny got up off the couch and headed towards her. He then changed his mind and began to pace. He'd once had a clear idea of where this was going but now.well he'd get through it.  
  
Sonny: I don't know how to do this. I mean.it's never mattered this much. Well it's always mattered, but you're different, we're different.  
  
Alexis: What are you rambling about?  
  
Sonny stopped pacing and turned back to look at her. He went to her, grabbed both of her hands in his own and looked her in the eyes still not saying anything.  
  
Alexis: What has gotten into you?  
  
Sonny: Will you marry me?  
  
Alexis: What?!  
  
Alexis had gone completely pale and was shaking a little. She hadn't seen that coming. They'd never even discussed marriage.  
  
Sonny: Will you marry me?  
  
Alexis removed her hands from his grasp and began to pace. She just couldn't seem to get her mind around the idea.  
  
Alexis: Marriage. Sonny we've never even discussed marriage. We don't have good track records either. We've both run away from weddings to people we thought were our soul mates once, Not to mention our normal luck with love, Don't you think we'd be pushing our luck. I mean I love what we have and I for one don't intend to lose it. You mean so much to me and-  
  
Sonny: Breathe, Alexis, breathe. You don't have to marry me if you don't want to.  
  
Alexis: I never said I didn't want to. I just said it was risky.  
  
Sonny: I love you so much Alexis, I don't want to spend time without you. I want you in my bed, in my life permanently. I want you to be the mother of my children, to have you for as long as we live.  
  
Alexis: Oh Sonny!  
  
She ran across the room and into his arms. He held her tight against him as if he didn't want to let go.  
  
Sonny(laughing): Is that a yes?  
  
Alexis: Yes. Yes Sonny, I'll marry you.  
  
Tears were streaming down her face as he pulled back a little. It was just enough so that he could lean down and kiss her. The kiss was soft and tender and filled with love. It asked nothing, demanded nothing, but instead sealed the promise that had been made.  
  
End Flashback  
  
There were so many happy memories from their past. She had been happy then, very happy. They had begun to plan the wedding almost immediately. Sonny had insisted on something romantic. The had gotten on Valentine's day just to give into his wants.  
  
The wedding had been pure and simple. They had been married down in Puerto Rico, on the beach outside his beach house. Alexis's dress had just been a plain white slip dress and Sonny had been in a tux, both barefoot. They were practically alone. Jason was the best man and Kristina was the maid of honor. Jason had brought Robin as his date, they had gotten back together a few years prior. Kristina had brought Ned, it hadn't been uncomfortable though, due to the fact that they had gotten used to the odd romantic situation that they had had for years.  
  
They had gone to Greece for their honeymoon, returning to where Alexis's mother had lived. It was a beautiful time, and the love that they shared was like nothing else. Alexis loved being back in Greece, remembering her mother with her husband. She was sharing a part of her soul with him, one that she hadn't shared with everyone.  
  
Looking back, Alexis could hardly believe that they had become what they had. Love had never been a problem, living had. Alexis had never really had any problems with Sonny being in the mob at first. She knew that he would never leave it, that he could never leave it, and she would never ask it of him. Just as he would never ask her to stop her career.  
  
Alexis had been able to handle the phone calls in the middle of the night. She had been perfectly willing to defend him, regardless of what situation. It was her life and she never minded loving him or living with him. When Addie had come along the story had changed.  
  
Alexis had found out she was pregnant the August after she had gotten married. Needless to say it had freaked her out. She never worried about Sonny, he would love that she was pregnant and he would be a great father. She was worried about herself. She had never been good with children. They didn't particularly like her and she didn't know how to fix it.  
  
Flashback  
  
Alexis is sitting on the bed in her and Sonny's bedroom. In her hands is a pregnancy test. It's positive.  
  
Alexis: Now really how accurate are these things. OK, so most positives are actual positives. There's no reason to panic, none at all. You just have an amazing career, a wonderful husband with a dangerous job, absolutely no talent with kids. Beyond that everything is going to be fine.  
  
Alexis decided just to try and catch her breath. She was definitely freaked out. She couldn't handle this. Sonny, he'd be fine, but this was her. She didn't do children. The experiences with Brook Lynn had been enough to prove that. Now she had to deal with her own.  
  
It wasn't going to like her, she'd be a failure. Alexis could already see her child growing up to dislike her. Yes she was going to be an utter failure. She burst into tears, dropping the pregnancy test on the floor.  
  
Sonny walked into the room, and was shocked to see his wife so upset. He instantly hurried over to her side and took her in his arms, obviously concerned.  
  
Sonny: What is it baby? Come on Lexi, if you don't open up to me, who are you going to? What's wrong.  
  
Alexis: I'm going to fail.  
  
Sonny: At what? You don't fail Lexi. You don't know how.  
  
Alexis: I don't know how to do this.  
  
Sonny: I'm not in that much trouble Lex. You're the best lawyer I've ever had.  
  
Alexis: I'm not talking about one of your damn cases.  
  
Sonny: Than what are you talking about?  
  
Alexis: Well I.  
  
Alexis trailed off as Sonny picked up the pregnancy test on the floor.  
  
Sonny: Is this what I think it is?  
  
Alexis cringed at Sonny's serious tone. She couldn't answer him aloud so she nodded instead.  
  
Sonny: And what does it say?  
  
Alexis: Well. It says that I am preg-  
  
She didn't even get the words out before Sonny pulled her into his arms and began to waltz with her around the room  
  
Sonny: This is wonderful. You're not going to fail Lexi, really. You're going to be wonderful.  
  
Alexis: Brook Lynn never liked me and Michael, well.  
  
Sonny: I'll be here to help you baby. This is perfect. We should have been thinking of this sooner.  
  
Alexis: You really think so. But what about my job?  
  
Sonny: You'll work for as long as possible. Now we've got to feed you, something healthy. What do you want?  
  
Sonny then placed a hand on Alexis's stomach, grinning from ear to ear.  
  
Sonny: I guess I should really be asking you. If your mother had her way, you'd live on microwave popcorn and bad coffee. I do believe that she is the only person who can ruin my coffee beans. Well no more caffeine, or any junk food.  
  
Alexis: Oh you've got to be kidding me.  
  
Sonny: No stress.  
  
Alexis: I live with you and I'm a lawyer, your lawyer. Explain how I'm going to avoid stress.  
  
Sonny: You need to eat something.  
  
Sonny then proceeded to pull Alexis from the room going on with rules and options for dinner. Alexis was shaking her head and protesting.  
  
End Flashback  
  
Sonny had been even more over protective than that. He had been very wary about letting her out of the house without him, let alone without Johnny and Max. She had understood where he was coming from, but it had driven her insane all the same.  
  
That year had been a great one. She and Sonny had found what they were looking for, someone to love and a family all their own. Life couldn't get any better.  
  
Adele Corinthos had come into the world on March 2, 2005. She was a beautiful child who resembled both of her parents, with the exception of her blue-green eyes, which were explained by Mike's clear blue ones and the green that Alexis's mother had once had.  
  
Flashback  
  
Alexis walked through the penthouse her hand resting upon her particularly swollen stomach. She still had trouble believing that she was pregnant and going to have a baby. And it could happen any day now.  
  
She was currently on a mission to get sonny to stop treating her like an invalid at all costs. And it didn't seem to be working. He was insisting that she not be on her feet for longer than ten minutes, and the working as long as possible thing had flown out the window. He wouldn't be pleased if he knew she was up and about, and had walked down the stairs without his help.  
  
  
  
End Flashback  
  
Things were great for so long. Sonny was a wonderful father and he rubbed off on Alexis, helping her through any and all problems. Addie was wonderful for Sonny. She was the first of his children to live to be born, and he couldn't be happier about it. He spoiled her rotten and would do just about anything for her.  
  
It was after Addie was born that Alexis started to care whether or not she was safe. Sonny's lifestyle began to get to her. They were in danger and Alexis knew it. The turning point came three years later and Alexis couldn't ignore it.  
  
Flashback  
  
Alexis walked out of her apartment building with Addie in her arms. Addie was chattering on and on about daycare and Sonny. Then it happened.  
  
Gun shots rang out around them and Alexis threw herself on the ground, trying desperately to save her baby girl. She screamed, partially out of terror and partially out of fear.  
  
End Flashback  
  
Alexis had been hit in the chest, very near to her heart. The bullet had practically killed her. The only reason it hit her was because she had moved, otherwise it would have shot and killed Addie. Alexis could no longer live like that. Her daughter had almost died and she could not see that happen again.  
  
Alexis refused to stay with Sonny. Regardless of how much she loved him, she couldn't stay. A part of her was changed forever and it rebelled against the life she had once known.  
  
Flashback  
  
Alexis walked down the stairs and placed her bags down in front of the door. She rifled through a drawer in her desk looking for something as Max came and picked up her bags, carrying them out of the penthouse.  
  
Sonny just stood there watching her with intense fascination, as if he couldn't believe that she was really leaving him.  
  
Alexis found what she was looking for and shut the drawer. She turned towards the door in a way so that she wouldn't have to look at her husband.  
  
Sonny: Alexis please!  
  
She turned on him now. She couldn't believe that after everything he was trying to get her to stay.  
  
Alexis: Don't even say it. I'm leaving.  
  
Sonny: Alexis-  
  
Alexis: No. My daughter almost died. I will not watch that happen again. I love you Sonny, but no I can't.  
  
Sonny: Will I ever see either of you again?  
  
Alexis: I really don't know.  
  
Sonny: She's my daughter. I want to be able to see her.  
  
Alexis: And I want her to live!  
  
Sonny: I can protect her.  
  
Alexis: A few short months ago I was protecting her with my body! You can't keep us safe with this lifestyle, and you can't leave it. This is the only solution.  
  
Sonny: Damn it Alexis. I don't want to lose either one of you.  
  
Alexis: You already have. I have to go.  
  
Sonny: I love you Alexis. I always have and I always will.  
  
Alexis: Good Bye Sonny.  
  
Alexis then turned and walked out the door. Sonny just stood there, watching her leave him.  
  
End Flashback  
  
She never saw him again. That was what really bothered her. She'd left that day and had never come home, and he'd never come after them.  
  
She figured that it had been Sonny's way of letting her have her way. He'd known where they were all along. Greece had been the obvious choice of locations and Alexis had caught a bodyguard or two every once in a while.  
  
She had left Port Charles never to return until Mike called her with the news. He'd told her about the shoot out that had killed Sonny and that Sonny hadn't seemed to care, as if he welcomed death. Sonny Corinthos had lost his will to live sometime before. Three years before to be exact.  
  
Flashback  
  
Alexis walked through her home in Greece. She stepped around her six year old daughter that was playing on the floor and picked up the ringing phone.  
  
Alexis: (into the phone) Hello. (To Addie) Please be quiet for a bit, Momma's on the phone.  
  
Mike: Alexis.  
  
Alexis: Mike? God it's been so long how are you? How's.  
  
Alexis trailed off, she shouldn't have thought to ask. It had been so long. She took a deep steadying breath and noticed that Mike sounded funny and that his breaths were sharp and shallow. Sick dread engulfed her.  
  
Alexis: Mike, what is it? What's wrong?  
  
Mike: He's gone Alexis. Sonny's gone. He's dead.  
  
That hadn't been the answer she was looking for, but some part of her had realized from the tone of Mike's voice.  
  
Alexis: No. No Mike he can't be, he can't.  
  
Mike: There was a shooting.  
  
Alexis: He's lived through them before.  
  
She didn't want to believe it. Her mind rebelled against the idea. He couldn't really be gone, Sonny couldn't be gone.  
  
Mike: He lost his will to live a long time ago Alexis. He's gone.  
  
Alexis: My God.  
  
Alexis disconnected the portable phone without saying good by and let it drop to the floor at her feet. Addie noticed her mother's obvious pain and walked over to her.  
  
Addie: What's wrong Momma? Why are you so upset?  
  
Alexis looked down at her daughter and didn't know how to respond. She decided the truth was best.  
  
Alexis: You're Daddy's gone baby. I know you already think he is because I took you away from him, but that was my choice and not his. He loved you with all his heart and soul and he's watching you right now from wherever he is. He died baby, they killed him.  
  
Addie: The same people that tried to kill us when we were there?  
  
Addie had asked her mother why she never got to see her daddy and that was always the response, that people had tried to kill them, and that her mother wasn't going to let them be in danger.  
  
Alexis: Yes baby. They got him too.  
  
Alexis picked Addie up in her arms, tears streaming down her face.  
  
Alexis: I love you baby, so much, don't ever forget that.  
  
End Flashback  
  
The truth was she blamed herself for it all. Sonny had practically lived and breathed for his daughter and her, and she'd taken that all away from him. She knew that he gave up because she was never coming back.  
  
She wondered if one day Addie would blame her as well for the death of her father and the loss of any kind of relationship between he two because in fear she'd whisked them both away. Alexis hoped that one day her daughter would understand her motives.  
  
Alexis cried for the loss of a great man, the love of her life. For the loss of their relationship and his with his daughter. Alexis cried for quite sometime over everything she'd lost.  
  
Right before she stood to leave she placed her hand upon the name and the headstone.  
  
Alexis: Good Bye Sonny. Happy anniversary. Happy Valentines Day.  
  
Alexis got up and walked out of the cemetery, the snow still swirling around her. She took one last look behind her as she left him for the last time. 


End file.
